Mono.

Bleh's kid has mono. So what's the smart thing to do? Take him home after the doctor visit and put him to bed? Nope! Bring the sick kid to the office to spread the germs around! Thanks, Bleh! Thanks a whole f**cking lot!

Widdle Baby Boy Needs Some Sweep...

Bleh emailed us to say she'd be late this morning because she wanted her son to be able to sleep in before his last final exam today.

Uh, okay...? How does that make Bleh late for work?

Oh, right...The Husband is completely helpless, so obviously he can't take the kid to school. What a weird family. And yet again, they have an impact upon my workplace. Sheesh.

I almost forgot

I almost forgot to post about this, the latest incident of questionable behavior regarding Bleh's kids!

Last week sometime, Mini-Bleh was apparently slicing some vegetables on a mandoline and sliced off a part of her palm, ironically right after Bleh told her to use caution. So, there was a lot of blood. So much blood, according to Bleh, the bleeding wouldn't stop and she and The Husband wondered whether or not to take Mini-Bleh to the ER.

Of course, since they live in the middle of nowhere, they decided against taking their bleeding child to get help because, get this, she just so happened to have a doctor's appointment scheduled for the very next morning at 11! Really, why get help now, when you can wait 15 hours?

Why this child stays with parents such as this, I will never know. Oh, and she's fine, by the way.

Why has this gone on for so long?

Long-time readers (and perhaps newer ones as well) probably wonder why the hell I've stuck it out in this office for so long when Bleh is the kind of coworker that could drive one to the very edge of sanity and confusion? Well, there are quite a few reasons, and today I'll write about some of them.

1. "It's the economy, stupid." Yep, we're living in harsh times and jobs are scarce, especially in my field. Also, the young are not appreciated in my field, nor are they paid very much, so my current options are stay here and survive, or leave and be in the poorhouse. Bleh isn't hauling in the dough and she actually does do some work when she's not whispering loudly to her kids (who are here almost every day!) or mysteriously away from her desk.
2. Why should I have to be the one to leave? She should leave, yes. She's the one with the boat- and plane-buying husband and a second job she could work from home. No one would give a sh*t if she had her widdle-baby teenage children with her all damned day if she was in her own house. (But then again, no one would give her any attention either, so we see why she won't go anywhere that has no captive audience.)
3. I've gone through all the proper channels to try and resolve this conflict but can't get the support I need. My immediate supervisor (The Supervisor) has an aversion to conflict, so she's no help. Bleh's not going to be fired because, get this, the Powers That Be think I'm the problem! Yes, you read that correctly -- they think I'm high-maintenance because I've dared to complain about Bleh's lack of professionalism. My Supervisor's supervisor tried to give me cubicle walls to 'solve' the problem(s). When I politely declined (because honestly, that would do nothing but put me inside a cube outside of which Bleh would continue to be Bleh), the Head Honcho made fun of me with The Supervisor in front of my face. Talk about employee support! Sure, there's actually one more level of authority above Head Honcho, but at this point, I don't think I could take another round of rejection and apathy regarding my plight. I mean, seriously, if the two people who could help me won't, why would the guy two buildings over who probably doesn't even know my name help me? He's even less invested than they are.

So, The Powers That Be have decided to let Bleh run rampant and stick the shiv of fate further under my fingernails. Maybe there's some cosmic lesson about patience and love that I'm supposed to be learning by suffering this bullsh*t... maybe not.

Maybe the Universe can go f*ck itself.

The Daughter

Yep, it's summer and she's got nothing else to do but come to work with her mother. This girl is 18 years old! How freakin' sad is it that she has no friends and spends her summer lurking around her mother's office? Geez. Guess Mini-Bleh's training includes being lame like Mommie: bringing her personal life to the office so someone, anyone, will pay attention to her.

Like I said, it's sad. Just sad.

30 Minutes is Actually 50. In Bleh-math.

Bleh had the kids at work (as is her usual) this morning, and for whatever reason took them somewhere at 9:30. As she left, she told me and The Supervisor that she was "taking half [her] lunch hour" and would "be right back."

Well, she did come back, at 10:22. Now you may see that and say, gee, way to waste time and watch the clock! Yes, I admit it's nit-picky; however, it's just another example of how Bleh gets special privileges because of her children.

And I'm really f*cking tired of her and her special privileges.

The hits just keep comin'

A long holiday weekend was simply not enough. Sure, this is a shorter week, but it doesn't mean Bleh is any more tolerable than she is during a regular week.

Today's blathering:

• Swimming and swimsuits. Bleh's been telling everyone in the office about her new bathing suit and how she's going to go swimming during lunch. Readers will recall that Bleh is allergic to chlorine. So why is she excited about swimming? Because she's crazy. I'm sure there will be the requisite wailing and gnashing of teeth later today because of her allergic reaction. I have zero sympathy. It'd be like me rubbing a cat on my face and then complaining I can't breathe. She does something stupid, she deserves the pain.
• Buying clothes for her children. Bleh can't go 2 minutes without talking about her kids. Apparently they have new wardrobes from Old Navy. Yay. Isn't the world a better place now? [Vomit.]

An actual email sent to me and the Supervisor from Bleh

Hi guys, Just wanted to let you know that I'm coming in at 8:30 today. We got to sleep in a bit since [the son] has no school today! See you soon. [Bleh]

Wow. Wonder if I spit out a few kids I can get special privileges too?

Marriage Advice

Bleh's giving one of the interns marriage advice(!). She told the kid not to have children until 3 years into a marriage, because "it changes the whole dynamic" of said marriage. Yep, Bleh the marriage pro. Heh!

Hmmm. I think Bleh would have turned out to be a poor parent regardless of how long she and The Husband waited. See parenting -related posts for examples. Have some tissue ready; you may cry.'

Oh, and it's chocolate time again. Bleh brought a box of chocolates her son is supposed to be selling for school. Since they live next to no one, I guess Bleh thinks her colleagues can buy this sh*t instead.

Planes, Phones and Crazymobiles

Well, no plane. The Husband flew to wherever his new plane is and learned he was unable to fly it back home. Apparently he learned to fly on a different kind of plane and had no clue how to drive the one he bought. Heh! He now owns a plane in another state.

The Daughter, a.k.a, Mini-Bleh, has been over a lot this week. She's taken to just coming over and chatting up the interns in my department, even when she's not scheduled to be at work! (Does my Supervisor do anything about this? NO.) Apparently Mini-Bleh is just like her mom and has no life outside of this institution. I gotta tell ya, she does it one more time, I'm calling her aside and telling her she can't just wander in and have playtime with the interns...they're supposed to be um, working. I'm sure she'll run crying to "mommie" but I really just don't care anymore.

And finally, Bleh was back on the phones again today, this time about her 2nd job. She actually sat over there loudly talking to a client while she was on the clock! This woman is so bat-brained she has no idea how lucky she is to work under an oblivious supervisor.

Me? Not so lucky...but that's why I call my lovely readers The Schadenfreude Fans. :-)

Some improvement, some backsliding

Bleh's actually been on-time for work this week! (I know! Right?) Seems her daughter doesn't like to be late. Hmmm...why couldn't her daughter have insisted on being on time for the past 4 years? Anyway, we'll see if this trend of punctuality continues. Nobody hold your breath: blue is only attractive on those Avatar characters...and even then....

In the backsliding department, now there are even more distractions because The Daughter skips in here to see "Mommie" ever 45 mins to an hour. Why? To chit-chat, of course! Cuz they're like BBF! OMG!

I'm feeling a bit nauseous, so I'll leave today's report there. Hope all you readers out there in Schadenfreude Land are doing better than I.

May Day

Bleh arrived with her entourage (read: her children) again this morning. She actually got here earlier than usual, only 4 minutes after eight instead of her usual 15. Almost immediately, her cell rang and she tottered off to chat. We probably won't see her again for another 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, I got here at 7:45 and have been working until now. How sad that this break is filled with reporting on Mrs Awful and her ever-present brood... Gods....I guess one of her chickens will be here all the time starting soon. (See The Internship.)

A bit of good news... Bleh is off for the rest of the week starting tomorrow! Her vewy special Mommie is in town. As you may imagine, around the office we've been informed of this very important visit for weeks. [Eye roll.]

Yeah, it's great that your mom is visiting, Bleh, I just wish you would have taken more time off, you know, and given the rest of us some time to celebrate too.

UPDATE: Bleh's kid has interrupted her (and therefore everyone else) 10 times today. That, plus the 7 personal calls has kept Bleh pretty damned busy. The Husband even swung by today to take the kids to lunch. Why didn't he take them home? Or to school? What the hell is going on?

Oh, and Bleh has wondered why I wear headphones all the time. Gee... I wonder why I would do that...?

Family Ties

You all know how much of a helicopter parent Bleh is, right? Well, turns out she's gotten her daughter an internship here, starting this summer. Yes, Bleh and her Bleh-spawn will both be working here.

I know, WTF, right??!! Geez...

A couple things

1. Bleh's son is here today. "Why isn't he in school?" you ask. You are a logical person. Bleh is not. Ergo, it's probably Bring Your Snotty Whiny Son to Work Day so He can Pester You and Annoy Your Colleagues or something like that. There's just nothing I love more than hearing loud whispers of "Mooooooooommmmmm!"

2. Bleh volunteered for a work function last week. Then she asked if she could get comp time for it. Um, perhaps she doesn't know the meaning of the word volunteer?

45 Minutes

Bleh strolled in 45 minutes late this morning. She told the Supervisor she had to drop her daughter off at the public library today, but found out the library doesn't open til 10. So they called the daughter's friend, whose mother (whom Bleh said looked like she was on drugs) came to pick the daughter up. (Why isn't the kid in school?!)

That said, Bleh then proceeded to ask Supervisor if she could take a long lunch to run errands because she worked through lunch yesterday. Supervisor actually said yes!

Um, didn't Bleh just walk in 45 minutes late? How does that not practically cancel out her extra hour from yesterday??

Wow. Just wow.

Yes, I'm keeping my eyes open for another job or line of work. Something where I won't have to listen to banal people droning on and on about their boring children. Yes, I know that will be difficult.

OMG! PROM!!

This prom b.s. is all I've been hearing for a week now. Choice Bleh quotes:

• "My daughter's getting her hair cut and styled, so I can't come to the meeting because I have to see how it's styled and re-do it for her prom."
• "[Bleh reading computer screen]: This dress code for prom is stupid. Boys can't wear kimonos? What?"
• "I can't believe girls wear these dresses with cut-outs in them!"
• and on and on and on...

Sigh. I'm going to take a break now and do some breathing exercises. My patience is pretty short today.

A few things...

1. Bleh brought her kid to work a couple times last week during Spring Bre@k. I found out surreptitiously that this is because the kid has no friends in high school, and therefore no place to go when school's out. While quite sad, that's no reason to have her here. I kinda feel bad for the kid -- let's just hope she doesn't turn into some kind of "Norma" Bates one day.
2. Bleh has started this new annoying thing whereby instead of chatting loudly, she and her fellow annoying colleagues whisper loudly at her desk, then "try" to stiffle giggles about whatever it is. Wow.
3. Turns out Bleh & Fam did not go sailing this weekend. Too windy. I was passively told this as Bleh yapped it out to the Supervisor this morning 4 feet from me. Oh! I shed but a single tear.
4. Her ill-fitting pants are at a new low (or high?) today. Black, with short inseam and horribly visible pantylines, and ass-clumpage. Yeah, I don't know what that means either--- my mind is just throwing out vocabulary to block the image.
5. Bleh's leaving early today! Yay! All is not lost.

Let's bring the sick kid to work!

Bleh came in a couple hours late because she wasn't feeling well this morning. Fine. Whatever. What's not cool is she brought in her kid, who had bronchitis last week. (They're off school today because of the holiday). So now there's two gross coughing people sitting a mere 15 feet away, hacking, spitting, and, of course, chitchatting with each other (cuz Mommy and Daughter are like, BFF! OMG!)

Sigh. I was hoping to have a quiet Monday. Looks like that ain't happening. If I get bronchitis, I'm gonna smack that woman!

UPDATE: "Whisper! Whisper! Whisper! Whisper! I'm trying to be inconspicuous, but it's impossible for me!" -- Bleh.

My mind's playin' tricks on me...

Okay, so the kid isn't here as a passive-aggressive move. She's here because -- get this -- she has 2 college visit days and she decided she didn't want to go to school today. Her mother is letting her skip school AND brought her here instead. Um, shouldn't the kid use the day to, oh I don't know....visit a college??!! Instead, we get more in-office babysitting here at The Office that Time Forgot.

Sheesh.

The kid is back

Bleh brought her daughter to work today. Shouldn't she be in school or something? Instead she's here hangin' with the interns...chatting away.

UPDATE: I think I know why the kid is here -- I asked last week that the interns be reminded that personal phone calls (especially those 10 minutes or longer*) be curbed. You should already guess in a universe set up to foil any joy, the interns are managed by Bleh. I guess Bleh's trying her passive-aggressive best to annoy me. I hate to say it, but it's working.

*Yep, two interns last week had 40-60 minute calls. Bleh (their immediate sup) didn't say a word. The overall Supervisor was out of the office. Surprise... So now instead of annoying phone calls I get annoying in-person shit.