Just Adorable.

Awwww....Bleh and The Husband "spontaneously" decided to get breakfast this morning. At least that's the reason Bleh gave for being 30 minutes late today. Our Supervisor just giggled and didn't say anything to her.

Wow.

Maybe I should pull that stunt tomorrow? I like a hot breakfast instead of cold poptarts at my desk any day.

Widdle Baby Boy Needs Some Sweep...

Bleh emailed us to say she'd be late this morning because she wanted her son to be able to sleep in before his last final exam today.

Uh, okay...? How does that make Bleh late for work?

Oh, right...The Husband is completely helpless, so obviously he can't take the kid to school. What a weird family. And yet again, they have an impact upon my workplace. Sheesh.

An actual email sent to me and the Supervisor from Bleh

Hi guys, Just wanted to let you know that I'm coming in at 8:30 today. We got to sleep in a bit since [the son] has no school today! See you soon. [Bleh]

Wow. Wonder if I spit out a few kids I can get special privileges too?

Some improvement, some backsliding

Bleh's actually been on-time for work this week! (I know! Right?) Seems her daughter doesn't like to be late. Hmmm...why couldn't her daughter have insisted on being on time for the past 4 years? Anyway, we'll see if this trend of punctuality continues. Nobody hold your breath: blue is only attractive on those Avatar characters...and even then....

In the backsliding department, now there are even more distractions because The Daughter skips in here to see "Mommie" ever 45 mins to an hour. Why? To chit-chat, of course! Cuz they're like BBF! OMG!

I'm feeling a bit nauseous, so I'll leave today's report there. Hope all you readers out there in Schadenfreude Land are doing better than I.

The tardiness continues

Bleh arrived 17 minutes late, then went to get coffee. It's now 8:39. Meanwhile, I've been, oh I don't know...working! Geez.

45 Minutes

Bleh strolled in 45 minutes late this morning. She told the Supervisor she had to drop her daughter off at the public library today, but found out the library doesn't open til 10. So they called the daughter's friend, whose mother (whom Bleh said looked like she was on drugs) came to pick the daughter up. (Why isn't the kid in school?!)

That said, Bleh then proceeded to ask Supervisor if she could take a long lunch to run errands because she worked through lunch yesterday. Supervisor actually said yes!

Um, didn't Bleh just walk in 45 minutes late? How does that not practically cancel out her extra hour from yesterday??

Wow. Just wow.

Yes, I'm keeping my eyes open for another job or line of work. Something where I won't have to listen to banal people droning on and on about their boring children. Yes, I know that will be difficult.

Sigh............................

Bleh was out yesterday --- yes, I was overjoyed! It was so quiet and peaceful in the office. Unfortunately, she came back today. 30 minutes late. Oh, and she's also made 8 personal calls.

Sigh. The Supervisor is still out of the country and won't be back until the first week of July. Sure, I could tell her all the crap Bleh's done while she's been gone, but it wouldn't help me now. Nor would the Supervisor do anything about it. Sup seems to be happy with the "work" Bleh is doing.

To answer a reader's question, no, Bleh doesn't make up the 15, 20, or 30 minutes she misses every morning. Not to my knowledge anyway.

Why do I stick around in this job with such a horrible mess of a colleague? Simple: the money is good and I actually like what I do. I just don't like Bleh. She's the "con" on my pros and cons list. She's the burr under the saddle.

Honestly, a lot of therapy and a little religion keep me from strangling her with her ill-fitting slacks. Most days I can tune her out, but some days.... some days she's lucky I'm a civilized creature.

8:22 is the new 8:00

Didn't you know?

Bleh strolled in at 22 after this morning. She was late yesterday as well. Oh, and Monday she didn't arrive until 8:30! The Supervisor doesn't seem to care.

Guess I'll be taking a long lunch today.

Vertigo

"I'm late because I have vertigo and I fell over when I got out of bed." --- Bleh.

I thought I'd get a day away...but I didn't.

Bleh came in 40 mins late this morning. I was really hoping she'd just not show up at all. Turns out she was working on stuff for her 2nd job last night and was tired.

Of course, I know all this because she has to make a grand entrance, telling everyone, "I'm here! I'm a lazybones."

Who says that? Fairytale characters and Bleh, I suppose.

I thought she had quit her 2nd job, but apparently not. She's run off now to get coffee. Of course.

Beeline

My boss and I were discussing a software program that isn't working on my computer first thing this morning. Bleh arrived 15 minutes late, as usual, and instead of going to her desk and minding her own damned business, she made a beeline for us. After a moment or two, she realized neither me nor the Supervisor had even looked at her, so she turned around and walked over to her desk.

Bleh just can't stand it if she's not involved in EVERYTHING.

Cookie Dough

Ugh. Bleh strolled into work 20 minutes late (as usual) and then stopped at a colleague's desk to bitch & moan about how The Son is selling cookie dough to raise money for his school. "Blab blab blab blab....cookie dough..."

Well geez, Bleh, if you don't like selling crap for your kid, perhaps you shouldn't bring the order form to work to pester your coworkers and instead make the kid go door to door? Oh wait that's right, you and your crazy family live in the middle of BFE!

Sigh.

Guess who won't be buying cookie dough?

And....we're back

Hiya Readers! 2009 is here, the air is crisp, the office is well... the office. A little time away always helps the soul recuperate enough to get back in the game and start fresh.

Bleh strolled in 20 minutes late today. Guess her New Years resolution wasn't punctuality. You also won't be shocked to learn the sweater she's sporting today is a danger to eyesight everywhere. It's black with large multicolored pink and orange blotches. Unfortunately it's not long enough to cover her requisite wedgie. Oh, and her hacking cough is stronger and louder than ever. Eww.

She hasn't done anything particularly egregious today, but I'm not complaining. I know some readers balked at my decided non-reaction to her staff lounge hi-jinx last month, but I have to be honest, reacting to her is what she wants. I've found if I simply don't emotionally respond to her, she usually stops being obnoxious to me. It's my zen way of dealing with her --- she's awful, but I just remember she doesn't affect me emotionally. It's how I deal.

Does this mean she'll never learn to be a mature adult or to stop being so damned annoying? Probably, but it's not my job to educate her. Her "Eliza Doolittle" shtick can suck it. Besides, this delicious chunk o' internet schadenfreude you're enjoying wouldn't exist. And I'll be frank: writing about her gets her out of my system faster than any middle finger or childish prank ever could.

Coffee

Bleh is scheduled to make coffee every week on this day. She, of course, came in 25 minutes late this morning, so there was no coffee made. Seeing as how I wanted some, I went to the staff lounge and began to make a pot. I had everything ready to go, so I pushed the "start" button and retreated to the bathroom right off the lounge.

A minute later I heard the drone of bees. In my pre-caffeinated state it took me a couple seconds to realize it was Bleh. She had shown up and was finally making coffee.

"Well, that's just stupid!" I heard her say. "Somebody doesn't know what they're doing."

I flushed, took time washing my hands and strolled out to see Bleh in her very best Hannukah sweater vest, complete with appliqued dradles. She looked like a bedraggled 1st grade teacher on the lam. She told me I had messed up making the coffee. I guess she just assumed I did it (even though I did), since no one else was around. I said, "Oh, I didn't realize. I'm sorry." But she continued to tell me how poor of a coffee maker I was for the next few minutes, punctuating her condemnations with her grating horse whinnies of a laugh.

Rather than punch her, I graciously refrained, and instead prepared a styrofoam cup with sugar and non-dairy creamer as she blathered on, doing multiplication tables in my head to drown her out. Finally the coffee was ready and I was about to pour it when Bleh mentioned an unopened bottle of half n' half in another mini-fridge on the other side of the building. Now, coffee drinkers know that actual dairy is 100s of times better than non-dairy any day, so no one will be shocked when I chucked the yellowy powder into the trash, filled my cup with hot fresh joe, and headed out to find this unopened bottle of smooth creamy goodness.

I found the unopened bottle right where Bleh said it would be and peeled back the safety lid. I caught a whiff of something a little off, but poured some anyway. I stopped. The half n' half wasn't pouring, it was glopping. It had curdled. A lot.

So, fighting back the urge to be sick, I dumped the spoiled creamer and my ruined coffee into the trash, and headed back to the lounge to start over. Bleh was still there, yapping to another colleague. I told her what happened and she started saying, "I just can't believe it," over and over, as though aliens had landed and stolen my coffee.

I went ahead with my original plan: sugar and non-dairy creamer. I then left the lounge just as Bleh was struggling under the weight of a 5-gallon water jug for the cooler. I would have offered to help her if she hadn't scolded me like a child about my coffee making skills (or lack thereof) or acted like the world was ending when she found out about the creamer. There's two things that really irk me: assholes and over-reacters.

Geez. At least I won't have to deal with her for a few weeks. Dear Readers, Yours Truly will be on vacation on the west coast until early January. Don't worry, I'm sure Bleh will be just as annoying in 2009 as she is now, so be sure to check in in the new year. Your readership is most appreciated!

Bleh told me yesterday before she left that she'd be in this morning at 9am since she had to work an evening shift. When did she arrive? 9:47 am. Then she went to get coffee. It's been almost half an hour and she's not back yet from the lounge.

I wasn't aware we had such a lax attendance policy, but then again, the Supervisor is out today.

Oblivious to her heart's content

Bleh strolled in at quarter-after this morning, ranting about how traffic was crazy today. She asked the rest of us (who managed to make it to work on time, despite said traffic) if we noticed just how crazy it was.

I replied, "School started today."

Bleh said, "Oh, that explains it."

Wow. For a woman who has two school-aged children, you'd think she'd have figured that one out. Oh, and phone call watchers: she left to get a coffee and it started blaring. Another colleague walked by and asked if I was playing a game. I said no. Colleague said, "Cell phone?" I nodded. Colleague said, "That's really annoying." I said, "Just. A. Little."

Just another Pleasant Valley Tuesday...

Or it was until Bleh actually showed up for work. She strolled in at 8:47, then disappeared to get coffee. She finally sat down at a minute to nine and, without missing a beat, picked up her cell and called Lucy to talk about Job #2.

I tell you this woman has no shame! None!

Saved by Zero

Bleh casually strolled in at 8:23 today. She then sat down at her desk and made a personal call to find out her "lab results." Apparently she got a message at home about them, but of course, waited until she got to work to return the call. I'm guessing her results either aren't in, or she's not dying, because she made no dramatic announcements, she merely left to get coffee.

It's now 8:34 and she's finally sitting at her desk. I assume she's working, but I'm not sure. She has obviously distracted me.* Ahhh!

Boat news: as of yesterday, the boat purchase is still on. The Husband has supposedly found a used one in Florida and wants to buy it and haul it back here. To his farm. In the middle of nowhere. Where there are no bodies of water. (Note: we are not located within a one-day drive of FL) Check it! Bleh-logic is in full-effect: they're buying a boat instead of paying for childcare, they're going to haul it 100s and 100s of miles despite how much they complain about the cost of gas. (Remember, these are the same folks who won't come into town on weekends because they don't want to use gas.)

Sigh.

*I am fully aware of the irony of my tracking the every move of someone who drives me nuts. Look, you work with Bleh for more than a week, and I swear, you'll start going crazy too. And if you don't do anything about it, you'll suffer even more. Besides, you have to admit, I'm fairly good at fulfilling your schadenfreude quota for the week.

Ran out of gas

Bleh strolled in at 8:17 and stopped at another colleague's desk to tell the tale of how she ran out of gas last night. Heh! Apparently her fancy new car thinks it's out of gas if the gas gauge gets to three bars (yeah, the one replacing the one they couldn't afford either). She said she called the dealer and he told her this basic information about her car which she should have read in the manual when they bought it. She told him, "That's just stupid" (which, I admit, it is) and then called The Husband to bring her some gas.

Apparently having gas in the tank didn't help her get to work on time today.

Boo-hoo

Bleh emailed me this morning to say she wasn't feeling well, but that she'd come in to work anyway and she'd arrive at 8:45.

Well guess what? It's 8:45 and there's no Bleh. Guess she'll show up around 9:04 or something, you know, to keep with her habit of being 19 minutes late for everything.

UPDATE: She strolled in at 8:54, then took off to get coffee. She probably won't be back for a while. Damn, and I was hoping she'd just stay home today!