How do you solve a problem like Maria Bleh?

Bleh update:

• Apparently she and The Husband are having parts of their house renovated? Of course, I (and everyone else within earshot) know this because she takes calls from him all day, talks loudly about some amount of money they're spending and 'notes it'. Ya know, Bleh, you could do that crap over email.
• She's been in and out of the office all day driving her kid to various appointments. Sure, I've been enjoying the quiet time while she's gone, but when she gets back, it's a necessary feature of Bleh-World to divulge EVERYTHING that happened in the 90 minutes she was out. We just wouldn't want to miss part of her very important day, now would we?

For those readers who do not understand Bleh* nor my need to vent, or find this blog petty and nonconstructive:

• Sure, there's confrontation and there's decapitation. However, neither would solve any problems around here. If you don't like this blog or it's content, you are most welcome to visit any of the other 1 zillion websites out there or start your own. So, good day, sir. I said good day.

*Who does, really?

Improper much?

Bleh just got a call from someone's prospective employer, asking Bleh as a job reference about said someone's credentials. Bleh said the usual stuff about that person's work habits, et al, but then Bleh started talking about how that person had a kid, was divorced, and had some odd political beliefs.

Yeeesh! I almost feel bad for whoever that someone is, but she was apparently dumb enough to trust Bleh on this so I'm having trouble feeling any sympathy.

Note to the WORLD: Don't ask Bleh to be your job reference! Not only will her treacly voice be a turn-off to your future employer, but she'll tell him or her all kinds of personal information about you that they're not supposed to ask!

Gashes, abscesses, and puss

Thanks, Bleh, for telling us all (read: talking loudly to one person at the water cooler so we all can hear) about your friend's baby's puss-filled butt abscess. It's exactly the kind of thing I want to hear early in the morning. Oh god.

The Husband stopped by to ask Bleh where a certain cord was this morning. She didn't know and told him as much but he figured he should ask her twice more to be sure. Perhaps he has a hearing problem? Oh, and he COMPLETELY ignored me. Guess he's kinda mad he can't call his wife all day at work anymore or leave the kids with her while he does who knows what. Oh well, not my problem.

Yesterday I left work feeling pretty benign and light of heart. I believe this was due to the fact that Bleh neither made nor received any personal phone calls(!). No, I can't believe it either. I almost went upstairs and hugged my boss' boss, but I didn't.

R-o-l-a-i-d-s spells relief.

Bleh is out of the office today. She's dropping off one of her spawn to ballet camp. Yes, the same ballet camp that required so very many special calls about shoes. Both she and The Husband went on this trip and apparently were going to get it on at the Ambassador Hotel to celebrate their anniversary* (I know, because she told everyone she would be doing this). Ahhh, twenty years of being the most annoying couple ever... it makes me a little misty. Not.

Despite having lunch-losing knowledge of their hotel room activities I am celebrating today! The office is deliciously silent: no whiny children are here, her cellphone and its eardrum-melting ring is 2 states away, and there is no horsey laugh punctuating the end of her every inane sentence. I'm gonna go now --- I want to enjoy what's left of this beautiful day.

*Note to self: never stay in any hotel by that name.

Hit me baby, one more time

AFTERNOON: Now Bleh is on the phone scheduling a mammogram. It's great that she schedules preventative medical treatments/check ups, I just don't want to know about them. AHHHH!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Bleh just called her gynecologist because she wanted to change her appointment for her annual because her period is apparently lasting longer than usual. Then I got to hear how it's "light" right now, but could change by this afternoon. Oh, and that she had some kind of "scare" yesterday morning. Thankfully she did not elaborate. EWWWW.

Don't worry, you Bleh-lovers, the doc said for her to just come on in, period or not. Peachy frickin keen. Maybe when she returns this afternoon she'll bring along her pap smear.

Money

Yet another thing Bleh does quite often is talk about how she can't afford certain things. No, not like Hermes scarves or Cadillac Escalades. No, she openly talks about how she can't afford to take her kids to the doctor (um, you have insurance), how she can't afford her car payments (then perhaps you shouldn't have purchased a brand new tricked-out hybrid?), and how she can't afford to pay for ballet camp...blah blah blah.

Look lady, a lot of us can't exactly afford certain things, but at least we don't moan about it CONSTANTLY. Shut up, figure out a budget, and quit doing stupid things with your money!

Student Loans

Today I got to hear about Bleh's student loans. Apparently she pays $189/month for hers and some other amount for The Husband's. She's somehow missed some payments or got the wrong amount something, hence her call to the loan company.

Is nothing sacred?

The Call about the Doctor

Bleh's husband, who we'll call The Husband, went to the doctor this morning and he dropped off their kids here at the office so Bleh could babysit. The kids got a bit restless and Bleh had to shush them a few times before threatening to take away the computer. They then quieted down.

The Husband called an hour later and the raised voices began. Bleh loudly conversed with The Husband about what to do with the kids. Apparently The Husband's doctor visit went quickly and Bleh didn't know what to do. (Seriously, she said that.) The arguing slowly quieted and the conversation dulled into mushy "honey" and "baby" and, before I could vomit, the call ended.

Twenty minutes later, The Husband shows up at the office. Great, now the whole family is here. They're going to lunch. How sweet.

Get out!