Coffee

Bleh is scheduled to make coffee every week on this day. She, of course, came in 25 minutes late this morning, so there was no coffee made. Seeing as how I wanted some, I went to the staff lounge and began to make a pot. I had everything ready to go, so I pushed the "start" button and retreated to the bathroom right off the lounge.

A minute later I heard the drone of bees. In my pre-caffeinated state it took me a couple seconds to realize it was Bleh. She had shown up and was finally making coffee.

"Well, that's just stupid!" I heard her say. "Somebody doesn't know what they're doing."

I flushed, took time washing my hands and strolled out to see Bleh in her very best Hannukah sweater vest, complete with appliqued dradles. She looked like a bedraggled 1st grade teacher on the lam. She told me I had messed up making the coffee. I guess she just assumed I did it (even though I did), since no one else was around. I said, "Oh, I didn't realize. I'm sorry." But she continued to tell me how poor of a coffee maker I was for the next few minutes, punctuating her condemnations with her grating horse whinnies of a laugh.

Rather than punch her, I graciously refrained, and instead prepared a styrofoam cup with sugar and non-dairy creamer as she blathered on, doing multiplication tables in my head to drown her out. Finally the coffee was ready and I was about to pour it when Bleh mentioned an unopened bottle of half n' half in another mini-fridge on the other side of the building. Now, coffee drinkers know that actual dairy is 100s of times better than non-dairy any day, so no one will be shocked when I chucked the yellowy powder into the trash, filled my cup with hot fresh joe, and headed out to find this unopened bottle of smooth creamy goodness.

I found the unopened bottle right where Bleh said it would be and peeled back the safety lid. I caught a whiff of something a little off, but poured some anyway. I stopped. The half n' half wasn't pouring, it was glopping. It had curdled. A lot.

So, fighting back the urge to be sick, I dumped the spoiled creamer and my ruined coffee into the trash, and headed back to the lounge to start over. Bleh was still there, yapping to another colleague. I told her what happened and she started saying, "I just can't believe it," over and over, as though aliens had landed and stolen my coffee.

I went ahead with my original plan: sugar and non-dairy creamer. I then left the lounge just as Bleh was struggling under the weight of a 5-gallon water jug for the cooler. I would have offered to help her if she hadn't scolded me like a child about my coffee making skills (or lack thereof) or acted like the world was ending when she found out about the creamer. There's two things that really irk me: assholes and over-reacters.

Geez. At least I won't have to deal with her for a few weeks. Dear Readers, Yours Truly will be on vacation on the west coast until early January. Don't worry, I'm sure Bleh will be just as annoying in 2009 as she is now, so be sure to check in in the new year. Your readership is most appreciated!