The Chronicles of Bleh: My Annoying Coworker

The First Camel Toe of Spring

2012-01-10T15:49:00.003-05:00

Bleh's pants are ridin' up both sides today. Her camel toe is out and proud and told me that Spring will come 6 weeks early this year.
Ugh. Shudder.

On the phone again (and again)

2012-01-09T09:58:00.003-05:00

I've been writing this blog for 5 years. Some things around here never change. This morning, The Husband calls Bleh to, wait for it..., that's right, make a phone call for him!

This man is so helpless! He has a Ph.D. yet he cannot call anyone but his wife to ask her to call people. I don't get it either.

Widdle Baby Boy Needs Some Sweep...

2011-12-16T09:16:00.004-05:00

Bleh emailed us to say she'd be late this morning because she wanted her son to be able to sleep in before his last final exam today.

Uh, okay...? How does that make Bleh late for work?

Oh, right...The Husband is completely helpless, so obviously he can't take the kid to school. What a weird family. And yet again, they have an impact upon my workplace. Sheesh.

The Sweater Vest

2011-12-13T09:28:00.004-05:00

Every year Bleh pulls out the same hideous blue Hannukah sweater vest out of the closet and dons it for the annual holiday lunch at the office. I guess the holidays are an equal-opportunity time for anyone of any stripe to wear some really tacky shit.

A little Drama and some Ass

2011-12-12T13:00:00.005-05:00

Readers have asked if Mini-Bleh is hot or if Bleh has a nice ass. The answer to both questions is a resounding "No." Here's a visual -- I can honestly compare Bleh's butt to a bag of apples: a small bag with a lot of apples in it with a large crease in the middle. Yuck. Mini-Bleh has a rather plain face, usually with a confused expression draped across it. She's about 19 and has a slender build and fortunately seems to have avoided her mother's fashion faux pas of too-tight pants. Unfortunately, despite her rather normal dress, she's still a pathetic creature who calls her mother "mommie" in public.

Now, let's get down to today's "drama." It's in quotes because it's completely manufactured by Bleh, as is per usual. Apparently a coworker is out today because she is very depressed. Instead of leaving the poor woman alone, Bleh has taken it upon herself to tell EVERYONE in the office this coworker's business, and has even gone so far as to tell (not ask) Teh Supervisor that she was going to go over to the sad coworker's house because she "can't concentrate" and is "worried." This was at 10:30 this morning.

Yes, you read that correctly: The Sup didn't stop Bleh from just leaving the office on a whim, nor did she tell Bleh she'd have to use her leave time to go. No, Bleh is apparently in charge around here and can do whatever the hell she wants. Geez.

While I feel badly for the depressed coworker, I feel even more badly for her because she had to endure a visit from Bleh. What could be more depressing than that? Yikes!

A Glorious Week Away!

2011-11-21T17:52:00.002-05:00

Starting tomorrow, no Bleh for a week!

Some minor gossip to tide you over during the holiday:
Mini-Bleh is dating one of our interns! Eww! Now we know why she's up in our business every frikkin' day! Does anyone say anything about this awkward situation? No, of course not.

So....I'm taking my break and pushing Bleh and her oddball daughter out of my head for one blissful week. You, Gentle readers, should do the same. Enjoy Thanksgiving.

Just go away.

2011-10-26T15:56:00.003-04:00

Mini-Bleh is here, giving a neck rub to an intern. ??????! Yes, I'm confused too. Apparently it's okay for her to just stop by and interrupt everyone because her Mommie-wommie works here.

In the Good News Dept:

I may have the opportunity to advance within the office and...wait for it...GET MY OWN OFFICE! Let's not get too excited, as nothing has been set; however, this glimmer of hope has inspired me to put my hari kari sword away and even crack a smile.

We've replaced these brains with F0lgers Crystals; Let's See if They Notice

2011-10-06T12:51:00.004-04:00

Those of us of a certain age will remember that instant coffee commercial campaign from the 80s. It comes to mind today because of our dear Bleh. She was out sick yesterday with claims of vertigo. She's complained of this malady for years and says it incapacitates her to the point of not being able to move her head at all, lest she suffer nausea and extreme disorientation.

Sounds pretty awful, right? Well, apparently she had time to put her hair in curlers last night and soak in compliments about her wavy hairdo today. I guess the vertigo only affected her between the hours of 8 and 5. Geez.

At least I got a Bleh-free day at work --- see, silver lining!!

Yuck

2011-09-07T16:21:00.000-04:00

It's happening again.

Another day, another wedgie

2011-08-18T14:59:00.004-04:00

We all know Bleh can't wear a pair of pants that actually fit her to save her life, right? Well, today she's got on a pair of khakis, part of which aren't seeing the light of day right now, if you know what I mean. Oh, and yep, ye olde panty lines are there, too!

Sure, it'd be nice to tell her to wear some pants that don't look like they're being sucked up her ass, but then she'd know I had looked at her butt. And that would be awkward. Really awkward. It's not that I wanted to look at it, but when she wears such odd things, it's hard not to miss, ya know?

I'm gonna go bleach my brain now.

I almost forgot

2011-08-15T10:22:00.003-04:00

I almost forgot to post about this, the latest incident of questionable behavior regarding Bleh's kids!

Last week sometime, Mini-Bleh was apparently slicing some vegetables on a mandoline and sliced off a part of her palm, ironically right after Bleh told her to use caution. So, there was a lot of blood. So much blood, according to Bleh, the bleeding wouldn't stop and she and The Husband wondered whether or not to take Mini-Bleh to the ER.

Of course, since they live in the middle of nowhere, they decided against taking their bleeding child to get help because, get this, she just so happened to have a doctor's appointment scheduled for the very next morning at 11! Really, why get help now, when you can wait 15 hours?

Why this child stays with parents such as this, I will never know. Oh, and she's fine, by the way.

Why has this gone on for so long?

2011-08-15T09:47:00.005-04:00

Long-time readers (and perhaps newer ones as well) probably wonder why the hell I've stuck it out in this office for so long when Bleh is the kind of coworker that could drive one to the very edge of sanity and confusion? Well, there are quite a few reasons, and today I'll write about some of them.

"It's the economy, stupid." Yep, we're living in harsh times and jobs are scarce, especially in my field. Also, the young are not appreciated in my field, nor are they paid very much, so my current options are stay here and survive, or leave and be in the poorhouse. Bleh isn't hauling in the dough and she actually does do some work when she's not whispering loudly to her kids (who are here almost every day!) or mysteriously away from her desk.
Why should I have to be the one to leave? She should leave, yes. She's the one with the boat- and plane-buying husband and a second job she could work from home. No one would give a sh*t if she had her widdle-baby teenage children with her all damned day if she was in her own house. (But then again, no one would give her any attention either, so we see why she won't go anywhere that has no captive audience.)
I've gone through all the proper channels to try and resolve this conflict but can't get the support I need. My immediate supervisor (The Supervisor) has an aversion to conflict, so she's no help. Bleh's not going to be fired because, get this, the Powers That Be think I'm the problem! Yes, you read that correctly -- they think I'm high-maintenance because I've dared to complain about Bleh's lack of professionalism. My Supervisor's supervisor tried to give me cubicle walls to 'solve' the problem(s). When I politely declined (because honestly, that would do nothing but put me inside a cube outside of which Bleh would continue to be Bleh), the Head Honcho made fun of me with The Supervisor in front of my face. Talk about employee support! Sure, there's actually one more level of authority above Head Honcho, but at this point, I don't think I could take another round of rejection and apathy regarding my plight. I mean, seriously, if the two people who could help me won't, why would the guy two buildings over who probably doesn't even know my name help me? He's even less invested than they are.

So, The Powers That Be have decided to let Bleh run rampant and stick the shiv of fate further under my fingernails. Maybe there's some cosmic lesson about patience and love that I'm supposed to be learning by suffering this bullsh*t... maybe not.

Maybe the Universe can go f*ck itself.

The Daughter

2011-08-02T12:08:00.003-04:00

Yep, it's summer and she's got nothing else to do but come to work with her mother. This girl is 18 years old! How freakin' sad is it that she has no friends and spends her summer lurking around her mother's office? Geez. Guess Mini-Bleh's training includes being lame like Mommie: bringing her personal life to the office so someone, anyone, will pay attention to her.

Like I said, it's sad. Just sad.

The Return in Review

2011-08-01T16:46:00.004-04:00

Well, she's back. She ambled in lazily this morning, ubiquitous daughter in-tow, 20 minutes late. She brought gifts from her travels to the Supervisor. Nothing for me.
[Yep, I cried for hours. Hours! Not.]

I would say it's weird having her back, but it isn't. Things are very much back to "normal" here. She's still wearing her ill-fitting capri pants and bending at the waist in them, displaying her middleaged wedgie'd cheeks to the world when picking up a pen that has unfortunately fallen to the floor. She's still disappearing for chunks of time to go to who-knows-where, and she's still gushing over the interns like they're her other children. (I guess smothering her two biological kids isn't enough?)

So, yeah, my summertime blues are back. She won't go away for another whole week until next July. Until then, it will be special flexible hours and times off for her, you know, so she can truck her kids all over the place in her hybrid. She'll be going on and on with her yammering on about dance lessons she still drives her college-age child to, doctors visits (with full disclosure about her many ailments and health-related paranoid scenarios), and calls to and from The Husband. You know, the guy who has a PhD but can't make a phone call for himself? Yeah, that guy.

I am very thankful to have a job in this sh*tty economy, but man, the grass is always greener... At least I get one week out of 52 with the sweet silence that is her vacation.

The Return of Bleh

2011-07-31T23:17:00.006-04:00

She comes back to the office tomorrow after being on vacation all last week. Geez. Last week was so calm and peaceful. Really! It was a joy to go to the office. I actually got work done and didn't want to hit anyone in the face.

I don't know what to expect tomorrow, except loud and incessant retellings of vacation happenings. Joy. Guess the ol' earphones will be back on and the music turned up to drown her out.

Were I a wizard, I'd somehow do that mouth-sealing trick from Army 0f Darkness* on her. Alas, I am not.

*Am I even remembering that right?

FIle under: Conspicious Consumption

2011-07-20T09:37:00.003-04:00

Bleh's gotten herself a new car. A shiny red one. Sure, it's one of those ugly gas-efficient hybrid things, but her previous ugly gas-efficient hybrid thing was just fine. In fact, it was only 3 years old. Why the new car? Who knows? Apparently it's okay for Bleh to just keep buying new cars and using up fossil fuels to do it. (Almost all new cars are made of plastic and rubber, petroleum products.) Sure, she'll get good gas mileage, but a new car? Really? She and The Husband must be in some pretty hefty debt by now. A new car added to The Boat, The Plane, and The Flatscreen... must be nice.

30 Minutes is Actually 50. In Bleh-math.

2011-06-06T11:31:00.007-04:00

Bleh had the kids at work (as is her usual) this morning, and for whatever reason took them somewhere at 9:30. As she left, she told me and The Supervisor that she was "taking half [her] lunch hour" and would "be right back."

Well, she did come back, at 10:22. Now you may see that and say, gee, way to waste time and watch the clock! Yes, I admit it's nit-picky; however, it's just another example of how Bleh gets special privileges because of her children.

And I'm really f*cking tired of her and her special privileges.

My Eyes! My Eyes!

2011-06-02T09:46:00.003-04:00

Yes, Bleh went swimming at lunch yesterday, and yes, she sneezed and coughed and complained ALL AFTERNOON about the effects the chlorine had on her.

This morning she's telling anyone who'll listen about how "great a workout swimming is" but that she's gotta "get over these allergies" she has because it's just so intense. Wow, anything for attention!

It's a good thing weapons are barred here in the workplace because today would be an excellent day to drop an anvil on Bleh.

The hits just keep comin'

2011-06-01T10:57:00.003-04:00

A long holiday weekend was simply not enough. Sure, this is a shorter week, but it doesn't mean Bleh is any more tolerable than she is during a regular week.

Today's blathering:

Swimming and swimsuits. Bleh's been telling everyone in the office about her new bathing suit and how she's going to go swimming during lunch. Readers will recall that Bleh is allergic to chlorine. So why is she excited about swimming? Because she's crazy. I'm sure there will be the requisite wailing and gnashing of teeth later today because of her allergic reaction. I have zero sympathy. It'd be like me rubbing a cat on my face and then complaining I can't breathe. She does something stupid, she deserves the pain.
Buying clothes for her children. Bleh can't go 2 minutes without talking about her kids. Apparently they have new wardrobes from Old Navy. Yay. Isn't the world a better place now? [Vomit.]

Lies Up Until the End

2011-05-19T16:30:00.004-04:00

The cleaning lady is retiring. Bleh signed the card for her with this note:

"I will miss our hugs and talks! You are a dear."

Long-time readers will note this is a bald-faced lie, as you know Bleh asked me on numerous occasions to "call" her to interrupt said "hugs and talks" because she didn't want to engage in them since the cleaning lady tended to go on and on and on when anyone made the mistake of saying "How are you?" to her. (Cleaning Lady thought this question actually meant people wanted to hear all about her shit.)

I guess now that the cleaning lady is leaving, Bleh feels free to lie and say she enjoyed said talks since there won't be any more. I think Bleh's just relieved that the person who annoys her is retiring. I wish Bleh would retire. Oh well, at least I won't have to pretend not to notice Bleh trying to get my attention to "save her" anymore. Heh.

Eye-roll Number 345

2011-05-10T09:58:00.005-04:00

Long time readers know that Bleh and her daughter, Mini-Bleh, are attached at the hip, because they have an exceptionally healthy and non-dependent relationship.

Well, Mini-Bleh is off to Grandma's house and lost her cell phone. She found a phone to call her mother here at the office to tell her she lost said phone and now Bleh is off to mail her cell phone to Mini-Bleh so she can "be in contact with her at all times." (Yes, actual quote from Bleh.)

I guess Grandma has no phone? I guess Bleh can't let her kid go for more than 24 hours? I guess I get to hear all about it now, especially since Mini-Bleh will have her damned phone. Gawd! Even when the kid is in another state, she's here at the f*ckin' office.

"I'm Old..."

2011-04-25T16:46:00.005-04:00

Bleh has bursitis in her hip. Again, how do I know this? Because she called over another coworker from the water cooler to tell her, loudly, about her doctor diagnosing her hip. Did I mention it was in her hip? Because it's in her hip.

Bursitis.

In her hip.

Hip.

Bursitis.

Oh! Sorry...I was hypnotizing myself there...

Perhaps this is why she walks funny? I thought she just had something stuck up her ass. Oh, and she refused to take the shots the doctor offered to help with pain. Now, what sane person turns down pain alleviation? Oh, right....Bleh does because she wouldn't have anything to whine about if she wasn't in pain.

Sigh. Is it really only Monday?

Um we work in a massage parlor now?

2011-04-07T10:25:00.004-04:00

Bleh's giving a neck-rub to a colleague she's mocked time and time again. Why? Because Bleh's an attention hound and will apparently do just about anything to get it, including rubbing stinky ointment into the neck of a coworker she pretends to like.

I don't get it either.

Thanks, Bleh, for smelling up the place.

An actual email sent to me and the Supervisor from Bleh

2011-03-28T17:54:00.003-04:00

Hi guys, Just wanted to let you know that I'm coming in at 8:30 today. We got to sleep in a bit since [the son] has no school today! See you soon. [Bleh]

Wow. Wonder if I spit out a few kids I can get special privileges too?

Mardi Gras

2011-03-22T16:40:00.002-04:00

Mini-Bleh is here, swinging a long strand of Mardi Gras beads around. Thanks, Mini-Bleh for disrupting this office. Why aren't you in class? Oh, right...you need to talk to "mommie" and get hugs.

What. The. F*ck?

2011-03-11T11:59:00.003-05:00

Bleh's here today! WITH her mother and Mini-Bleh!

Apparently, she's got to introduce her mother to everyone in the office. Huh? Why? To top things off, her cell phone keeps ringing. I guess since she's not working she doesn't mind interrupting everyone else with her visitors and her phone.

Bleh, GO HOME. You took time off to spend it with your family, not inflict them upon us. Seriously, does everything have to be about you even on your day off?!

BZZZ! BZZ! BZZZ!

2011-03-10T16:56:00.004-05:00

So maybe Bleh doesn't make/get as many personal calls as she did in the early days, but now she's apparently discovered texting. And instead of putting her phone on silent like a considerate person, she's got it on vibrate.

Yep, you guessed it...all day long "BZZZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZZZZ!"

It's the kind of annoying noise that's got me wishing there was a hornet's nest nearby I could put under her desk.

IN OTHER NEWS:
Bleh's Mommie is visiting this weekend. Bad part? She's been yapping about it all day. (Because we care, remember?) Good part? She's out of the office until Tuesday! Yay!

Marriage Advice

2011-02-14T12:33:00.005-05:00

Bleh's giving one of the interns marriage advice(!). She told the kid not to have children until 3 years into a marriage, because "it changes the whole dynamic" of said marriage. Yep, Bleh the marriage pro. Heh!

Hmmm. I think Bleh would have turned out to be a poor parent regardless of how long she and The Husband waited. See parenting -related posts for examples. Have some tissue ready; you may cry.'

Oh, and it's chocolate time again. Bleh brought a box of chocolates her son is supposed to be selling for school. Since they live next to no one, I guess Bleh thinks her colleagues can buy this sh*t instead.

Two-Face Returns

2011-01-12T11:33:00.003-05:00

Bleh is gossiping in a quasi-whisper* about another colleague's house, saying how disgusting and cluttered it is. (Bleh apparently went over to "help" this colleague move last weekend. What her interior motive was, who knows? But you readers know she had one; she's not a philanthropist.)

Fine, whatever. Gossip away.

But DON'T pretend to be best pals with the person, giving them hugs in the office, and act all nice to their face, then turn around the moment they're gone and yap on and on about the state of this person's house. Yes, the colleague probably has a hoarding problem. The state of their desk is pretty indicative of such an inclination. Hoarding is usually the result of some kind of mental duress or obsession; it's not really the person's fault.

But Bleh has no sense of tact or delicacy; she's just out to get whatever attention she can, despite whoever she may hurt.

Ye Gods!

Do I tell the colleague? Or just stay the hell out of it? It really wouldn't do any good to let Colleague know what a sniping two-faced bitch Bleh is (if Colleague doesn't know already.)

I'm really pissed, so I'm going to take a break now.

*If Bleh really wanted to speak of something secretly, she'd take it outside.

The Winter Gloom Returns

2011-01-06T09:47:00.003-05:00

My quiet respite is over. Bleh is back from her winter vay-kay. Joy. Apparently she took her daughter out of state for the holidays, and when they boarded a plane to return home the other day, the kid's peanut allergy flared up and they had to de-board and take a later flight. While I certainly am not mocking the kid's health problems, I have had to hear about them ALL morning.

Guess what, Bleh? We don't care.

Oh, AND the daughter is here in the office today. Why? Who the frak knows. It's Bleh's world, apparently; I just suffer in it.

IN OTHER NEWS: Bleh's doing that thing again where she just talks loudly to The Supervisor and expects that to suffice as "telling" me also. Um, if someone can't have the decency to actually face me when they're supposedly speaking to me, then I don't have to "listen," do I? That extra step of making Bleh repeat herself to me is annoying yes, but more annoying to her than me.

Ah, it's the little things, isn't it?

A new campaign of terror?

2010-12-16T11:58:00.005-05:00

Okay, okay... not so much "terror" but definitely annoyance.

As long-time readers know, I usually wear headphones at work to block out Bleh. Anything for my sanity, right? Well this morning she's been interrupting me every 20 minutes either to tell me a "funny" story, open up about her week-long bout of diarrhea* (TMI!), or tell me that she's either going upstairs or leaving for lunch. WTF? I don't care to hear about any of her personal problems or supposedly charming anecdotes, but she's decided I'm going to hear them whether I want to or not!! Have I entered yet another circle of hell?

*I can't make this sh*t up!

Horse-Laughs and Revelations

2010-12-14T16:27:00.007-05:00

First, I'd like to thank everyone who reads this blog, especially those who have Blehs of their own to deal with at work. In this wacky economy we can't exactly jump from job to job, especially when no one's hiring. (So no, I'm not going anywhere for now.) (Yay, more schadenfreude!)

That said, recently, I had a light-bulb moment when I read what an anonymous commenter (12:03PM) wrote:

"...in my case everyone else seems to be pleased by my co-worker! I am convinced my co-worker as a serious personality disorder."

Whoa! I'd never thought of that before but in Bleh's case, it adds up!

She's syrupy-sweet to the Supervisor (and to anyone in any sort of authority), but the juggernaut that is her self-centered M.O. shines through in her dealings with me and other coworkers (who also have admitted disliking her). She's like M1chigan J Frog, but evil!
She constantly proclaims how great her kids are and how "awesome" their relationship is, but can't bother to take them to the ER, for example.
Or she'll run around gossiping about the very people she pretends to be friends with at the office so she'll have as much attention showered on her as possible.

Yep, she's BONKERS, but functionally so. I gotta say it's both impressive and terrifying she's managed to keep her job for 5 years!

Oh, I promised something about horse-laughs, didn't I? Well, in a meeting this afternoon with a vendor, she kept inserting off-topic nonsense about her kids into the discussion (like anyone cares!) and laughing her loud, obnoxious horse-laugh at almost everything the visitors said. It was an hour and a half of murder.

Post-Turkey Day Blues

2010-11-30T16:30:00.003-05:00

Well, the holiday is over, the food coma gone; and it's back to the fluorescent lights, Bleh's many phone chats, and bad coffee. You know, the grind.

You'll love this:
Last evening as I was walking out of the office, I overheard Bleh mention to The Supervisor she had to return a pair of pants because they didn't fit well. What?! Yes, you read that correctly, Bleh returned a pair of ill-fitting pants to the store. Granted, this is only a minor miracle, as Bleh owns multiple pairs of wedgie-showcasing pants, but still, this was worth noting!

Mini-Bleh is back from holiday too. She came in today to whisper to her mother, then to her friend, one of our interns. (Yes, I'm surrounded by them.) I don't know what's more annoying, her visits or her whispering. It's like high school all over again.

Fortunately, it's only a few more weeks before we're off work on holiday again. Perhaps Bleh will take a few extra days off work and give me the Christmas gift of her absence? I won't hold my breath.

Still here

2010-11-15T10:59:00.003-05:00

I'm still here, folks! The job I applied for went to someone else. I guess. I didn't hear back and they have taken the posting down. Guess the recession has made it to where employers don't have to be courteous. Oh well. There will be other job openings!

I'm posting also to say that Mini-Bleh is back in the office. This kid has to come by every day to see "mommie" and dish. When I started college, the LAST thing I wanted to do was hang out with my mother. It's called "Leaving the Nest" and everyone does it. Well, everyone except Mini-Bleh who goes to college in the same town her mom works in and stops in all the f*cking time!

But I digress. Fall is in full-swing, the trees have turned color, and next week promises work holidays and good food. And yes, a break from Bleh. That's what I'll be most thankful for.

Getting out?

2010-10-20T11:17:00.006-04:00

I applied for another job yesterday --- who knows if it will work out or not. I'll let you know.

Bleh's up to her usual today -- chatting on personal calls, visiting with Mini-Bleh (why are you here?!), and guffawing. An odd thing Bleh does that I've never mentioned is when she laughs at something she always tacks-on a "that's funny" afterward. Like the laughing wasn't enough.

Filed under "working": This morning, Bleh asked me how to get a file onto a jump-drive and explained she needed to print out something in color for her son! Geez.

Planes, Phones and Crazymobiles

2010-10-15T16:23:00.004-04:00

Well, no plane. The Husband flew to wherever his new plane is and learned he was unable to fly it back home. Apparently he learned to fly on a different kind of plane and had no clue how to drive the one he bought. Heh! He now owns a plane in another state.

The Daughter, a.k.a, Mini-Bleh, has been over a lot this week. She's taken to just coming over and chatting up the interns in my department, even when she's not scheduled to be at work! (Does my Supervisor do anything about this? NO.) Apparently Mini-Bleh is just like her mom and has no life outside of this institution. I gotta tell ya, she does it one more time, I'm calling her aside and telling her she can't just wander in and have playtime with the interns...they're supposed to be um, working. I'm sure she'll run crying to "mommie" but I really just don't care anymore.

And finally, Bleh was back on the phones again today, this time about her 2nd job. She actually sat over there loudly talking to a client while she was on the clock! This woman is so bat-brained she has no idea how lucky she is to work under an oblivious supervisor.

Me? Not so lucky...but that's why I call my lovely readers The Schadenfreude Fans. :-)

A bit o' gossip

2010-10-08T15:31:00.003-04:00

A colleague called me aside today to tell me she was really sick of Bleh's antics and that the office should never have hired her. Wow! There's someone on my side! My supervisor still does nothing to corral Bleh's unprofessionalism, but having the knowledge that someone knows my pain helps.

In other Bleh News:
She emailed everyone in the office a picture of the plane The Husband bought. So now in addition to a boat, they also have a plane. Apparently it's in another state, so The Husband and her son are flying there to pick it up and fly it back home. Bleh's been going on and on and on about how worried she is about them. Give it a rest, Bleh. The wailing and gnashing of teeth is sooooo 2000 years ago.

Mini Bleh

2010-10-05T10:31:00.005-04:00

Mini's been by 3 times so far this morning, once for yogurt (?), and now to show "Mommy" something on the computer. Of course, it's all non-work-related nonsense.

Many readers ask why I put up with this crap. Well, I'd like to let you all know I'm in the process of applying for schooling for a career change. It's going to take a while, but in the long run, I'll get another job and Bleh can continue to rot in her cubicle throne room of narcissistic whining, surrounded by her weirdo family who always seem to be here.

I feel better already.

Mini-Bleh Update & other random stuffs

2010-10-04T11:03:00.005-04:00

Now that Mini-Bleh is close-by, she is around ALL the time. She stops in to talk to "Mommy," as she calls Bleh, 3, 4, 5 times a day. Does anyone say anything to Bleh about all these obvious personal gab-fests? No, of course not.

In other news, The Husband has purchased a plane. Yes, a plane. Now they own a boat and a plane. Well, aren't they just special? It's be great if they'd all pile in one of them and take a one-way trip to Mexico.

The Mystery of the Disappearing Bleh

2010-09-28T09:48:00.003-04:00

Lately, Bleh has been disappearing for chunks of time. It's odd--I'll look up and her chair will be empty, no sign of her. Not that I'm complaining about LESS Bleh! I'm just curious as to where she goes for 10 or 15 minutes at a time all day.

She's not going to the office bathroom, nor is she making any announcements. That in itself is odd, as long-time readers will note. Her need for any and all attention, hence her announcing her every move and broadcasting her every emotion, is paramount in her world.

If I ever have the desire to find out where she runs off to, I will, of course, fill you all in; however, until that time, I will continue to enjoy these brief respites from Bleh-mania.

Cake

2010-09-23T11:59:00.001-04:00

Bleh made a cake and brought it to the office to share. Did I have any? Hell no! She's not a handwasher, remember?

The New Way

2010-09-01T14:21:00.003-04:00

I had one of my usual bi-weekly meetings with the Big Boss today. She asked how "the relationships in my department" were going. I smiled with a huge smile and said, "Oh, just fine!"

And frankly, they are. For me, anyway. Bleh is still a devastatingly annoying person who revels in her own misery, but I don't give a sh*t! She yaps on the phone, I tune her out. She tells the same banal story of some restaurant she went to for the 12th time, I tune her out. And so on and so forth.

I know, you're thinking, "What the hell?! Why the zen?" or "Why haven't you stabbed her eyes out yet?"

Here's the thing: I don't want the Big Boss to see me as a high-maintenance employee, as someone who can't handle workplace noise or a problem with a colleague. Sure, the Big Boss knows the past shenanigans of Bleh and I guess she knows that this nonsense still goes on; however, it's vital that I, the non-troublemaker employee, am not seen in the same light as my tormentor.

See...I've made my complaints in the past. I've taken Bleh's behavior personally (even when it wasn't directed toward me). Has her behavior changed? No. Did my work environment improve? No. Did she get reprimanded for anything? Nope.

I'm gonna get out of here one day and I need a shining recommendation from the Big Boss to make that transition. If I'm no longer seen as 'the complainer,' and am viewed instead 'the happy worker,' that recommendation is mine! And Bleh will suck my dust.

Mistakes

2010-08-18T15:52:00.001-04:00

I caught a mistake made by Bleh today. Did I make a big loud deal about it the way she does when she happens upon a typo of mine?

No. I fixed it and went about my day like a normal person.

That's amore... more b.s, that is

2010-06-04T15:46:00.003-04:00

Mini-Bleh likes to skip into this office 5 or 6 times a day to see "mommie." Just now she came in with a newspaper crossword puzzle (!) and asked her mother for help on a clue!!! WTF? Obviously the kid has nothing to do in her department so she figures she can come over here all day long and bother us.

Of course her dimwitted parent isn't going to do anything about it, because to her, personal business comes before office business.

It's gonna be a long summer....

Just hold on...the week is almost over...

2010-05-28T16:04:00.003-04:00

Reader Question:

"Just curious, is the daughter a mini-bleh? At least she seems to want to be punctual, but on the other hand there is the gabbing. Does she do any work? Does she wear normal clothes or bleh-clothes? Is she obnoxious in her own right? And what in the world do the two talk about so much?"

She's somewhat a mini-Bleh. (I think we'll call her that from now-on, especially since she's now technically a coworker.) I guess she works, she's in the department next door (which just makes it too easy for her to wander over here IMHO). I don't really know. I saw her cleaning shelves yesterday, so they've got her doing something. She wears normal-looking teenager clothes. Her laugh is pretty obnoxious; it's rather like a throaty machine-gun fire. As for what Bleh and her spawn talk about, it varies. Mini-Bleh has been in here 5 times today. Mostly it's banal stuff, but the most recent had something to do with the Beatles. Oh gods, Bleh even 'sang' a bit of one of their songs. Oh, now Mini-Bleh is back --- WTF?

Fortunately, there's a happy hour in my future this evening. Unfortunately, it's a work happy hour and Bleh (and most likely mini-Bleh will too) be there. Forty hours/week is more than enough Bleh for me, I can't promise to enjoy myself. Hopefully a few drinks will make her melt into the wallpaper. I promise not to punch her.

Some improvement, some backsliding

2010-05-26T10:04:00.005-04:00

Bleh's actually been on-time for work this week! (I know! Right?) Seems her daughter doesn't like to be late. Hmmm...why couldn't her daughter have insisted on being on time for the past 4 years? Anyway, we'll see if this trend of punctuality continues. Nobody hold your breath: blue is only attractive on those Avatar characters...and even then....

In the backsliding department, now there are even more distractions because The Daughter skips in here to see "Mommie" ever 45 mins to an hour. Why? To chit-chat, of course! Cuz they're like BBF! OMG!

I'm feeling a bit nauseous, so I'll leave today's report there. Hope all you readers out there in Schadenfreude Land are doing better than I.

May Day

2010-05-18T09:12:00.006-04:00

Bleh arrived with her entourage (read: her children) again this morning. She actually got here earlier than usual, only 4 minutes after eight instead of her usual 15. Almost immediately, her cell rang and she tottered off to chat. We probably won't see her again for another 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, I got here at 7:45 and have been working until now. How sad that this break is filled with reporting on Mrs Awful and her ever-present brood... Gods....I guess one of her chickens will be here all the time starting soon. (See The Internship.)

A bit of good news... Bleh is off for the rest of the week starting tomorrow! Her vewy special Mommie is in town. As you may imagine, around the office we've been informed of this very important visit for weeks. [Eye roll.]

Yeah, it's great that your mom is visiting, Bleh, I just wish you would have taken more time off, you know, and given the rest of us some time to celebrate too.

UPDATE: Bleh's kid has interrupted her (and therefore everyone else) 10 times today. That, plus the 7 personal calls has kept Bleh pretty damned busy. The Husband even swung by today to take the kids to lunch. Why didn't he take them home? Or to school? What the hell is going on?

Oh, and Bleh has wondered why I wear headphones all the time. Gee... I wonder why I would do that...?

Family Ties

2010-05-14T16:18:00.002-04:00

You all know how much of a helicopter parent Bleh is, right? Well, turns out she's gotten her daughter an internship here, starting this summer. Yes, Bleh and her Bleh-spawn will both be working here.

I know, WTF, right??!! Geez...

A couple things

2010-05-11T16:21:00.005-04:00

1. Bleh's son is here today. "Why isn't he in school?" you ask. You are a logical person. Bleh is not. Ergo, it's probably Bring Your Snotty Whiny Son to Work Day so He can Pester You and Annoy Your Colleagues or something like that. There's just nothing I love more than hearing loud whispers of "Mooooooooommmmmm!"

2. Bleh volunteered for a work function last week. Then she asked if she could get comp time for it. Um, perhaps she doesn't know the meaning of the word volunteer?

The tardiness continues

2010-04-30T09:39:00.001-04:00

Bleh arrived 17 minutes late, then went to get coffee. It's now 8:39. Meanwhile, I've been, oh I don't know...working! Geez.

45 Minutes

2010-04-27T10:04:00.004-04:00

Bleh strolled in 45 minutes late this morning. She told the Supervisor she had to drop her daughter off at the public library today, but found out the library doesn't open til 10. So they called the daughter's friend, whose mother (whom Bleh said looked like she was on drugs) came to pick the daughter up. (Why isn't the kid in school?!)

That said, Bleh then proceeded to ask Supervisor if she could take a long lunch to run errands because she worked through lunch yesterday. Supervisor actually said yes!

Um, didn't Bleh just walk in 45 minutes late? How does that not practically cancel out her extra hour from yesterday??

Wow. Just wow.

Yes, I'm keeping my eyes open for another job or line of work. Something where I won't have to listen to banal people droning on and on about their boring children. Yes, I know that will be difficult.

OMG! PROM!!

2010-04-15T11:01:00.002-04:00

This prom b.s. is all I've been hearing for a week now. Choice Bleh quotes:

"My daughter's getting her hair cut and styled, so I can't come to the meeting because I have to see how it's styled and re-do it for her prom."
"[Bleh reading computer screen]: This dress code for prom is stupid. Boys can't wear kimonos? What?"
"I can't believe girls wear these dresses with cut-outs in them!"
and on and on and on...

Sigh. I'm going to take a break now and do some breathing exercises. My patience is pretty short today.

Big Phone Keeps On Ringin'...

2010-04-01T09:29:00.000-04:00

First order of business? Why take a phone call from your helpless husband about buying chickens.

Chickens.

A few things...

2010-03-22T09:39:00.004-04:00

Bleh brought her kid to work a couple times last week during Spring Bre@k. I found out surreptitiously that this is because the kid has no friends in high school, and therefore no place to go when school's out. While quite sad, that's no reason to have her here. I kinda feel bad for the kid -- let's just hope she doesn't turn into some kind of "Norma" Bates one day.
Bleh has started this new annoying thing whereby instead of chatting loudly, she and her fellow annoying colleagues whisper loudly at her desk, then "try" to stiffle giggles about whatever it is. Wow.
Turns out Bleh & Fam did not go sailing this weekend. Too windy. I was passively told this as Bleh yapped it out to the Supervisor this morning 4 feet from me. Oh! I shed but a single tear.
Her ill-fitting pants are at a new low (or high?) today. Black, with short inseam and horribly visible pantylines, and ass-clumpage. Yeah, I don't know what that means either--- my mind is just throwing out vocabulary to block the image.
Bleh's leaving early today! Yay! All is not lost.

Oh puhleese....

2010-02-25T15:06:00.002-05:00

I just explained something to an intern who asked ME a question. Then Bleh got up from her desk, went over to the intern and then proceeded to tell her the same answer, as though I had never spoken a word.

Am I in the Twilight Z0ne? Or did I take a crazy pill today?

Is anyone else feeling uncomfortable?

2010-02-22T16:48:00.001-05:00

What? You're not 10 feet from someone arguing with their husband on the phone at the office? Oh. You lucky duck!

The Week of the Unlucky Lung Continues

2010-02-19T10:21:00.004-05:00

Bleh returned to the office today. She's still sick, as bronchitis usually takes a few weeks to recover from. So she's hacking and coughing and putting on her best pitiful face every time a colleague asks her how she's doing. Which is like every 3 minutes. Ugh.

I was nice yesterday and did some of her work for her because it was rush-priority stuff and if it didn't get done, there would be consequences. So I did it for the sake of the office. In addition to that, because I knew she was actually ill, I did another task for her as well and got the interns to help so Bleh wouldn't be completely avalanched by work when she returned (which I thought would be next week).

When will I learn?

The FIRST thing out of Bleh's mouth today was, "What are these [items] doing on my desk? Did somebody else do this?" I told her it was part of the work I did yesterday, work which is typically HERS. She didn't say thank you. Instead, she proceeded to double-check all the work, asking if all the right steps had been taken. Um, yes, they had.

I guess she thought I was out to sabotage her, but I wasn't. Still, no apology for her assumptions on that either.

Oh, and then Supervisor told Bleh that I had taken care of the rush-priority work in Bleh's absence. Still no thank you.

Wow.

That's the last time I allow myself to think Bleh has a shred of gratitude in her lumpy, ill-dressed body. What a bitch! She can stew in her virus and get avalanched.

She's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

2010-02-16T15:21:00.001-05:00

Bleh CAME BACK to the office today, after seeing her doctor because The Husband had to work this afternoon and they only have one car.

Wow, the guy won't even drive his sick wife home. Instead he makes her come to the office where she'll get us ALL sick. F*cker! And get this: she's coughing and saying she hopes her husband doesn't come down with her bronchitis! WTF? What about us? I'd punch her, but then I'd probably get her cough cooties.

Unbelievable!

Let's bring the sick kid to work!

2010-02-15T10:37:00.006-05:00

Bleh came in a couple hours late because she wasn't feeling well this morning. Fine. Whatever. What's not cool is she brought in her kid, who had bronchitis last week. (They're off school today because of the holiday). So now there's two gross coughing people sitting a mere 15 feet away, hacking, spitting, and, of course, chitchatting with each other (cuz Mommy and Daughter are like, BFF! OMG!)

Sigh. I was hoping to have a quiet Monday. Looks like that ain't happening. If I get bronchitis, I'm gonna smack that woman!

UPDATE: "Whisper! Whisper! Whisper! Whisper! I'm trying to be inconspicuous, but it's impossible for me!" -- Bleh.

Encyclopedia Br0wn and the Case of the Innappropriate Kissup

2010-02-11T14:27:00.003-05:00

One of the interns actually brought Bleh a cup of coffee from a famous chain this morning! He wore this huge shit-eating grin when he presented it to her, and I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Sweater time

2010-02-09T14:21:00.002-05:00

Remember back in the 80's when B1ll C0sby used to wear those hideous sweaters on tv? Well, Bleh's sporting something rather similar today. It's tunic-length, with buttons down the front and features colors of black, pink, orange and green. The only good thing about it is the sweater covers her ass. No wedgies (that we can see anyway) today!

My mind's playin' tricks on me...

2010-02-02T14:13:00.003-05:00

Okay, so the kid isn't here as a passive-aggressive move. She's here because -- get this -- she has 2 college visit days and she decided she didn't want to go to school today. Her mother is letting her skip school AND brought her here instead. Um, shouldn't the kid use the day to, oh I don't know....visit a college??!! Instead, we get more in-office babysitting here at The Office that Time Forgot.

Sheesh.

The kid is back

2010-02-02T09:25:00.003-05:00

Bleh brought her daughter to work today. Shouldn't she be in school or something? Instead she's here hangin' with the interns...chatting away.

UPDATE: I think I know why the kid is here -- I asked last week that the interns be reminded that personal phone calls (especially those 10 minutes or longer*) be curbed. You should already guess in a universe set up to foil any joy, the interns are managed by Bleh. I guess Bleh's trying her passive-aggressive best to annoy me. I hate to say it, but it's working.

*Yep, two interns last week had 40-60 minute calls. Bleh (their immediate sup) didn't say a word. The overall Supervisor was out of the office. Surprise... So now instead of annoying phone calls I get annoying in-person shit.

Interrupting Cow

2010-01-12T09:46:00.002-05:00

You know the old knock-knock joke...

Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow... MOO!

Well, a colleague came over to me this morning and asked where she could find some specific materials. I was in the middle of answering her when Bleh came over, uninvited*, inserted herself into the situation, and led my colleague off to find the materials.

Um, WTF, Bleh?

*Of course.

A Change of Position

2010-01-11T12:11:00.004-05:00

No, unfortunately not Bleh. She's still right where she's always been -- chipping away at my reason to live with her grating voice at the desk 10 feet away. The change is actually in another department, but comes with Bleh-related news.

One of Bleh's Fat Ass Wednesday pals, whom we'll call Perky, has been promoted to senior secretary. Putting these two in the same square footage is like mixing Coke with Pepsi --- overly sugary with a bad aftertaste. Now that Perky doesn't have to work weekends, I have a sinking feeling she'll be stopping by Bleh's desk more often, not only to weigh-in physically, but socially as well.

I'm sure you're dying to know a bit about Perky, so here goes:

Hair: Dorothy Hamill circa 1982
Pants: better-fitting than Bleh's (but then again, who's aren't? Seriously!) but still awkwardly high around the ankles
Voice: Paula Deen, but higher
Loves: The Jesus, sending mushy emails to everyone in the office, chocolate, personal fitness, and ponies! (Gods, I can just see her now, holding court at Curves.)

2010 is going to be quite a year... Sigh. Lucky for you...not so lucky for me. Thanks for reading.

Post Holiday Lull

2010-01-05T15:46:00.002-05:00

Things have been mostly quiet around here. Granted, I've been blocking out a lot of noise with my headphones, but Bleh has pretty much been sitting quietly at her desk. It's kinda weird, ya know? Sure, her horse laugh is still polluting the air, but I haven't had to sit through too many stories of her holiday travel.

So, this isn't a ranty post, but a post nonetheless. I'm sure she'll cock something up soon and of course I'll record it here, but until then, peace to you all.

The kid

2009-12-22T10:50:00.003-05:00

Bleh brought her daughter to work today. I guess the local schools are out for the holidays?? Dunno. Regardless, the kid is here, and yapping, whispering, and general disruptions are my treat today. Oh. Joy.

I wish the Supervisor would say/do something, but she doesn't seem to notice that the kid is even here. This is not a daycare. Unfortunately I can't say anything because then there will be a big blow-up of "Why can't my daughter be here? She's not hurting anyone! Whine whine whine!" and no one to back me up. Why do I have to be the bad guy? I'm not the one disturbing the office.

Bleh really does think she deserves special privileges. And since there is no god, she gets them.

Printouts

2009-12-09T09:24:00.001-05:00

Um, when I print something on the shared office computer first thing in the morning and you haven't, Bleh, then there's NO reason for you to walk over, pick up MY printout, and read it.

Oh, and Hanukkah sweaters are just as dorky and tacky as Christmas sweaters.

Mother of the Year

2009-11-10T09:42:00.004-05:00

Bleh chit-chats with colleagues until 8:30 or so, then says, "Gee! It's my day to make the office coffee!" (And you wonder why I go next door to pay for coffee...) Then she returns to her desk to make a bunch of calls about her kid, who apparently passed out this morning. The Husband has been calling because he's at the pharmacy and is mad and confused. Meanwhile, Bleh has been calling someone else in the office to tell her about some medication the kid is on while fielding multiple calls from The Husband.

So her desk phone AND cell have been buzzing all morning. Finally, Bleh calls the pediatric nurse and tells her what happened and says the kid is probably just fine and has passed out before. The Nurse apparently tells Bleh to take the kid to the ER. (Um, probably something that they should have done in the first place.) Bleh said no, she "wasn't going to do that," and that she'll wait to get an appointment with the pediatrician.

Wow. I am sooooo glad Bleh and The Husband aren't my parents. I'd of been dead long ago.

UPDATE: Now Bleh is telling everyone her kid had a mild seizure this morning! WTF?! Why on earth is she here at the office instead of with her kid at the hospital? Oh, right, because if she were there, no one here would be paying attention to her. I am so saddened by this.

How do you solve a problem like Maria Bleh?

2009-11-06T17:08:00.004-05:00

Bleh update:

Apparently she and The Husband are having parts of their house renovated? Of course, I (and everyone else within earshot) know this because she takes calls from him all day, talks loudly about some amount of money they're spending and 'notes it'. Ya know, Bleh, you could do that crap over email.
She's been in and out of the office all day driving her kid to various appointments. Sure, I've been enjoying the quiet time while she's gone, but when she gets back, it's a necessary feature of Bleh-World to divulge EVERYTHING that happened in the 90 minutes she was out. We just wouldn't want to miss part of her very important day, now would we?

For those readers who do not understand Bleh* nor my need to vent, or find this blog petty and nonconstructive:

Sure, there's confrontation and there's decapitation. However, neither would solve any problems around here. If you don't like this blog or it's content, you are most welcome to visit any of the other 1 zillion websites out there or start your own. So, good day, sir. I said good day.

*Who does, really?

Color Printing

2009-10-21T15:58:00.004-04:00

Geez, if you're going to steal office resources AND slack off at the same time, you'd probably be hush-hush about it, right? Well, Bleh called another colleague to ask about making color printouts of a document her kid needs. The colleague apparently directed her to another colleague, the lady on my left, to get help with this personal project.

So Bleh goes over to her and loudly asks for help printing her personal color copies, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone now knows she's doing personal things at the office, using office color ink, and generally just being a jackass.

Birthday Blues

2009-10-21T09:50:00.000-04:00

I have them, but it's not my birthday. It's Bleh's birthday and she's telling everyone in sight.

Just shut up already! We know it's your birthday! Sheesh!

Wednesday is Fat Ass Day

2009-10-14T10:27:00.000-04:00

Every Wednesday morning, Bleh feigns resistance as two of her giggly colleague pals drag her to the community bathroom to weigh in. There's a big ta-do of "OMG! I gained 2 pounds!" "Oh no, this scale is awful!" and "I totally ate too much last night!"

A chorus of middle-aged ninnies obnoxiously blathering on about their weight so EVERYONE within a 2-mile radius can hear.

Gods. I'd give 2 lbs of my own flesh if they'd just shut up.

Everybody dance!

2009-09-02T16:33:00.003-04:00

Or get fed up. Either way, here's another post about Bleh.

Today she's been on the phone trying to figure out dance lessons for her daughter next year. The kid has "elected" to graduate high school a year early* so she can go to the local university, conveniently located 30 minutes from the BFE Bleh n' Family live in now.

So, Daughter will go to college a year early, and continue to live the sheltered life at home with her helicopter parents. Yikes! I feel bad for the kid, but maybe this impending life-wreck will encourage her to grow a pair and stand up to her coddlers? Or maybe not. Perhaps she'll become another entitled office drone who bugs the shit out of her co-workers by airing her personal business?

*Who wants to bet mommy and daddy pushed her to do this?

You're Invited!

2009-08-12T13:03:00.002-04:00

Well, not you. Or me. But that's beside the point. Bleh's little baby boy is having a birthday party!

Of course, I learned this because she's been on the phone with 2 different places trying to plan said party. Because that's what we do in this office: plan birthday parties for 13 year-olds.*

*Um, no it isn't.

Camel-Toe Capris

2009-07-16T15:18:00.002-04:00

Yes, Bleh is wearing her most ill-fitting pants today, a pair of khaki capris. Not only does she have a painfully high wedgie, but she's sporting a full-on camel toe up front. She came over to my desk to ask about a report earlier, and I had trouble concentrating; the camel toe was so disgusting.

Good news!

2009-07-15T12:06:00.002-04:00

Bleh is taking two days off next week! Yay! I don't know if it's part of her 'vacation' time, but who cares? (Readers will remember she doesn't take leave time all year so she can spend 2 weeks with her annoying family in some cabin somewhere.) She's always working weird schedules so she doesn't have to use her leave time. Weird.

Oh, and I took the rest of next week off for myself, so no Bleh for 10 days starting Saturday! WOOO!

A Song For Bleh (NSFW)

2009-07-07T10:10:00.001-04:00

More Phone Calls for The Husband

2009-07-06T11:59:00.002-04:00

Bleh's on the phone now, finding out where The Husband (who is at home today) can go to register their boat.

Because he can't call himself. No...Baby Husband Boy can't do anything for himself. I'm surprised he didn't make Bleh take off work to go register the boat herself. Sheesh.

Pita Bread

2009-07-06T11:12:00.003-04:00

Bleh's on the phone with The Husband. She'd like some pita bread and she wants him to get the car registration updated.

Now they're talking about pita bread again.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oklahoma! Okay!

2009-06-30T11:55:00.004-04:00

Bleh's daughter is at ballet camp for her third summer in a row. Yes, it's the same camp that the Daughter calls from all day long, in tears, wanting to come home or complaining that she's not as pretty as the other campers....etc, etc, etc. You know, things we here in the office really give a f*ck about.

Of course, since Bleh just got back today after dropping said kid off at camp she has been yapping on the phone all morning trying to calm the nerves of her insecure offspring. (Shouldn't the kid be in some sort of camp workshop or something....??)

Ya know, if I had a kid and that kid had separation anxiety like her kid obviously does, I wouldn't send said kid to another state for 2 weeks every year! I certainly wouldn't send her AND complain about how much the kid calls but how much I miss her every day for two weeks. Or I would send the kid, tell her to suck it up, and enjoy two weeks off from teenage whining. But that wouldn't get much attention or sympathy in the workplace, so I can see why Bleh wouldn't go for that.

Readers will be relieved to know I do not own a firearm.

Babysitting day

2009-06-24T10:33:00.002-04:00

Both kids are here today. They're trying to be "quiet," but honestly, all the whispering is MORE annoying than if they'd just speak normally. Apparently The Husband is still at home (sleeping, or not making his own phone calls I suppose), and won't be about until later, hence the kids joining us at the office.

Sad fact: The Daughter's pants don't fit her well either. Like mother, like daughter...?

Sigh............................

2009-06-23T15:26:00.002-04:00

Bleh was out yesterday --- yes, I was overjoyed! It was so quiet and peaceful in the office. Unfortunately, she came back today. 30 minutes late. Oh, and she's also made 8 personal calls.

Sigh. The Supervisor is still out of the country and won't be back until the first week of July. Sure, I could tell her all the crap Bleh's done while she's been gone, but it wouldn't help me now. Nor would the Supervisor do anything about it. Sup seems to be happy with the "work" Bleh is doing.

To answer a reader's question, no, Bleh doesn't make up the 15, 20, or 30 minutes she misses every morning. Not to my knowledge anyway.

Why do I stick around in this job with such a horrible mess of a colleague? Simple: the money is good and I actually like what I do. I just don't like Bleh. She's the "con" on my pros and cons list. She's the burr under the saddle.

Honestly, a lot of therapy and a little religion keep me from strangling her with her ill-fitting slacks. Most days I can tune her out, but some days.... some days she's lucky I'm a civilized creature.

Four personal calls later...

2009-06-10T14:48:00.002-04:00

She's making appointments for her kids to see their doctor now. Yeesh.

Oh, and the pilates class business from this morning? She took a "fifteen minute" break to go sign some release form. She came back 45 minutes later. Perhaps she got lost?

If you can't tell, I'm in a fairly foul mood today, and Bleh's little annoyances are HUGE to me.

Personal Calls...they just don't stop

2009-06-10T09:45:00.002-04:00

The Supervisor is in a foreign country on vacation for the next 2 weeks, so I figured Bleh would just let her hair down and go crazy like she used to back in the 'old days'. Boy, was I right...I just didn't expect such immediate results.

It only took 30 minutes for her to hop on the phone. Today's vital call? She's trying to get The Daughter into a pilates class. A PILATES CLASS.

"I'm allergic to chlorine"

2009-06-05T10:17:00.002-04:00

So obviously Bleh would volunteer to chaperone her daughter's class at the local waterpark. She's told just about everyone that's passed by how she "gave in" and went down the waterslide "twenty times." Then she relates her story of how her eyes were just "soooo red" last night.

Eye roll.

No pun intended.

Well, at least I got a whole day of quiet in the office yesterday. I guess it was worth it.

Disabled?

2009-05-22T14:46:00.003-04:00

Apparently The Husband can't walk. He called Bleh on her cell, then at her desk, then on her cell again, then at her desk, AGAIN. Bleh was upstairs doing who knows what. Finally, I see him come through the office. How did I know it was him? A moment later, he shows up in the office, walked to her desk, gave a big sigh, and turned to leave right as Bleh came back. I didn't hear what he said to her, but he left soon after.

I find this all doubly annoying, as yesterday Bleh nearly had a heart attack when another colleague's cell phone alarm kept going off. Yes, because Bleh would NEVER be so rude...

Enjoy your holiday weekend. I know I will.

8:22 is the new 8:00

2009-05-07T09:34:00.001-04:00

Didn't you know?

Bleh strolled in at 22 after this morning. She was late yesterday as well. Oh, and Monday she didn't arrive until 8:30! The Supervisor doesn't seem to care.

Guess I'll be taking a long lunch today.

The Cell Phone

2009-05-04T11:49:00.002-04:00

Bleh was off blabbing at someone else this morning, but left her damned cell phone at her desk. It went off 3 times with it's long and annoying ring. I assume it was The Husband who just didn't want to leave a message and wait for her to call back. Sheesh.

I went over to where the sound was coming from, but couldn't find the phone. I guess someone else has thrown it above the ceiling tiles?

Vertigo

2009-05-04T09:33:00.001-04:00

"I'm late because I have vertigo and I fell over when I got out of bed." --- Bleh.

Oh my god...just SHUT UP!

2009-04-29T10:20:00.004-04:00

Bleh's been chatting up the Cleaning Lady for 20 minutes now. Yes, the same person Bleh told me to "call her" to get her out of talking to. Of course, I'm typing this and not calling. Mostly because I don't give a sh*t, but also because Bleh started the conversation! No pity from me.

Bleh's gushing over a cake that the Cleaning Lady brought into the office for everyone today. Of course, Bleh isn't eating any (and has loudly told everyone so) because she's on a diet. Oh, right...the "diet"... And yes, Bleh worked in multiple mentions of her chickens, her farm, and how she accidentally let a tractor battery fall over in the trunk of her car this week. Now battery acid is eating away the carpeting in the trunk of her pretentious car.

Can you tell I've got a short fuse today? One more farm story and I will f*cking scream.

I thought I'd get a day away...but I didn't.

2009-04-29T09:37:00.003-04:00

Bleh came in 40 mins late this morning. I was really hoping she'd just not show up at all. Turns out she was working on stuff for her 2nd job last night and was tired.

Of course, I know all this because she has to make a grand entrance, telling everyone, "I'm here! I'm a lazybones."

Who says that? Fairytale characters and Bleh, I suppose.

I thought she had quit her 2nd job, but apparently not. She's run off now to get coffee. Of course.

The kid

2009-04-24T11:22:00.004-04:00

Bleh's on the phone with someone discussing her son. Apparently he got mad at someone at school or got into a fight and is in trouble...? Of course, Bleh has no problem having this personal conversation loudly and publicly. Supposedly he won't be suspended for whatever he did, but he is in trouble. Hmmm. If Bleh was my mother, I'd be an angry kid, too.

UPDATES:

Bleh gave up on blogging about her weight. She couldn't get it. Go figure. However, she's still wearing pants with wedgies and bending at the waist whenever she needs to pick something up. Oy.

The soiree at her cave got moved to another date. I have another committment, so I can't go. I will ask others who do go to let me know if anything bizarre happens.

Dear Bleh...

2009-04-16T15:02:00.002-04:00

...when one must reach to the floor to pick up something one has dropped, one should not bend from the waist. Ever.

Instead, bend at the knees. It's not only better for you, but better for the now scarred-for-life eyes of your colleagues.

The Fat Blog

2009-04-16T14:34:00.003-04:00

Bleh and her co-dieting, co-exercising colleague are blogging about their weight-loss exploits. I don't know where her blog is located but if I find out, I'll post the URL here.

The Dinner Party

2009-04-13T11:07:00.004-04:00

Bleh has invited all of her coworkers (including yours truly) to her house for a dinner party. Now, there's no way I'm going to eat anything Ms. No-Handwashing makes, much less drive all the way out to the boonies to do it. I just haven't figured out how to "respectfully decline" the invitation without A) having to talk to Bleh for more than 30 seconds, B) avoiding her inevitable line of interrogation of why I cannot attend her very important dinner, and/or C) vomit in my mouth.

Yes, part of me is deadly curious to see the cave this woman and her crazy family live in, but all the effort in getting there, much less all the booze I'd have to consume to stay socially docile are really pulling down the "con" column of this pro/con dilemma.

Don't worry, Readers. I'll let you know what happens either way.

It's fat-ass day, again

2009-04-08T09:15:00.002-04:00

Bleh and her pal, whose fake name I don't remember, are still on their 'diets' and are weighing in on the scale in the bathroom. Do they do this quietly or in a dignified manner? Hell no. Squeals, giggles, and pronouncements of weight loss/gain are par for the course.

I wonder what would happen were the scale to mysteriously disappear...? Eh, it wouldn't matter. Bleh still won't buy pants that don't cleave her ass in half, regardless of how many pounds she may lose.

Oh, what a jerk we have in The Husband

2009-03-27T14:29:00.002-04:00

(Sorry, that play of the old spiritual really didn't work, did it?)

Today has actually been pretty quiet. Until about 10 minutes ago when The Husband called Bleh's cellphone and started in on her for not taking The Daughter to her doctor's appointment this afternoon. Of course, the fighting went on for about five minutes before Bleh had the courtesy to take her distraction outside of the office.

Geez. Apparently The Husband is going to take the kid to the doc; however, he's not happy about it. Wow, what a great dad he must be. [Eye roll.]

Let's talk about money

2009-03-12T09:31:00.002-04:00

Let's talk about money. Loudly. In the middle of the office with our coworker.

Bleh, and her pal (who we'll call Milder Bleh), are standing about 10 feet from me, holding their coffees and chatting about personal bank accounts, how much they paid for various cars over the years, and how they don't trust their husbands with their money so they keep separate accounts.

Again, TMI.

A small break...

2009-03-02T15:59:00.001-05:00

Bleh is out today. Seems she took her kid to the doctor today (five days after the doc asked her to come in).

The office is brighter and lighter when she's gone.